Second Chance
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: Years after he learns of Aslan's sacrifice, Edmund finally understands why the Lion did what He did.


**Disclaimer: All characters and Narnia are owned by C.S. Lewis.**

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_The first day of summer, the first year of the Pevensies' reign, Lucy asked her brother Edmund if he would like to ride horses with her. Perhaps they could have lunch in the forest, she said, sort of like a picnic. Edmund, who had nothing to do and wasn't willing to sit around and watch Peter and Susan play chess, agreed to go on this outing. _

_He, Lucy, the Beavers, and Mr. Tumnus set out mid-morning. During the spring Edmund had done some exploring of Narnia with his siblings, but he hadn't seen the whole country, and even the parts he had seen looked different in the summer. In the spring everything was covered in flowers. Now, the forest was impossibly thick with green leaves and bushes. In fact, the whole of the country looked different shades of vibrant green. _

_They came across a clearing in the forests near Beruna after a few hours of riding and Lucy suggested that this would be the perfect place to have lunch. The trees were far enough apart so that some sun came through. They all sat and ate and talked and generally enjoyed themselves. Then Lucy said she felt tired and lay down and within a few minutes she was asleep. _

_Edmund wasn't tired at all. He stood and started to walk towards the edge of the clearing when Mr. Tumnus called out, "Where are you going?"_

"_I'm not tired," Edmund said. "I think I might explore."_

"_But if you get lost?" Tumnus asked, looking concerned. He kept shooting glances at the Beavers and Lucy. _

"_If you like you can come, and the Beavers can stay with Lu," Edmund suggested. "You probably know this forest better than I, anyway."_

_Tumnus glanced at Lucy again as though hoping she would wake up. She didn't and he found himself walking with Edmund through the forest. For Edmund it was exploring. For Tumnus, who knew the forest quite well, it was harrowing. Not that there was anything more dangerous in this forest than in any other, but he had promised Lucy that he would not let Edmund know of a certain something near this forest. Unfortunately, Edmund's exploring seemed to be taking them to the one place they shouldn't be going to. _

"_Shouldn't we head back?" Tumnus asked, trying to keep his voice calm. _

"_We haven't been out too long," Edmund said, "and Lucy's still asleep, more likely than not. What harm can come of going a bit further?"_

"_A lot," Tumnus muttered, but he wasn't heard._

_They continued to walk and for a bit Tumnus was certain they were in safe territory. In truth, he had lost track. Edmund was a few feet ahead of him and he was thinking about suggesting that they go back again when the young king asked, "What is this?"_

"_What is what?" Tumnus asked in a high pitched voice. _

"_This hill," Edmund said quietly. Tumnus walked over and gasped. He knew where they were: the hill of the Stone Table, where Aslan sacrificed himself._

_Edmund, feeling almost in a trance, walked up the hill to where the cracked Table stood at the top, near an archway. He touched the surface and shivered. Something about this Table was familiar, but he couldn't figure it out. He thought harder. Than he realized the Witch had mentioned it before she was to kill him. "I was to die here," he murmured to himself. _

"_We should be getting back," Tumnus, who had run up the hill after him, rasped. _

"_No," Edmund said, his voice quiet. His eyes took in the archway, to the east, and the cracked Table. Then he turned to Mr. Tumnus. "This place is…is sacred. I can feel it. What happened here?"_

_It was the question Tumnus had dreaded ever since Lucy told him the answer, and that this answer was to be kept a secret from Edmund as their older sister, Susan, did not think he could bear to know. And Tumnus, after having heard what happened, had to agree with her. "Ah…I do not know," he answered lamely._

_Edmund's eyes flashed. He could tell when someone was lying, and Tumnus wasn't a particularly good liar in the first place. "Tell me the truth," he said. _

_Tumnus wrung his hands. "I promised Lucy I wouldn't tell," he whispered._

_Edmund felt an odd fear well up inside him and he forced it down. His eyes widened, however, and he quietly asked, "Is it about me?"_

_Tumnus bit his lip and didn't move._

"_I promise I won't tell Lucy you told," Edmund told him, "but I feel as though I need to know what happened here. I _know_ something happened here. I can feel it." _

_Tumnus was clearly torn between obeying his King and obeying his Queen. Finally, however, he said, "The reason the Witch renounced her claim on your blood, according to your sister (as I wasn't there) was because Aslan agreed to take your place. He was killed here by the Witch the night before the Battle of Beruna." Edmund looked shocked for a second and then, slowly, horror made its way onto his face._

"_He _what_?" he asked, shaking. _

"_He's alive now, though," Tumnus said quickly, "because of a Deeper Magic. He gave Himself in your place without having ever done anything wrong, and so death itself was turned backwards. That was how Lucy told me it worked. It's good that there was that Deeper Magic because…"_

"_Because if there wasn't," Edmund finished, "Aslan would have remained dead and we would have lost the battle. It would have been my fault." His voice was cold._

"_I'm sorry," Tumnus said. "I really, truly am."_

_Edmund shook his head. "No, you have nothing to be sorry about. I…_I'm_ sorry." He glanced at the Table and pushed back tears. He told himself he couldn't cry now, not in front of Tumnus and not here. He wiped the tears away and took a deep breath. "We should be getting back now."_

_In complete silence they walked back to the clearing, Tumnus leading the way. Lucy was awake when they arrived and she asked, "Where have you two been?"_

"_Nowhere," Edmund answered shortly. "Just exploring." _

"_Are you alright?" Lucy asked, looking concerned. Her brother's face looked pale and drawn. And there was an expression in his eyes…_

"_Fine," Edmund said. "Just tired._

_Lucy laughed as she tried to ignore her previous observations. "You should have taken a nap, then." _

_As they rode back to the castle Edmund knew he wasn't fine. _I deserved to die_, he told himself. _I still do. Aslan never should have done that. Why did He do that for me when I betrayed Him and Narnia and my family?_ Even when he seemed happy, these dark thoughts would stay in the back of his mind for years to come. His siblings never could figure out why a shadow seemed to cross his face at certain times, usually when he was left to his own thoughts. _

* * *

Edmund dodged a sword as it tried to take off his head. He disliked battles not because he wasn't a good fighter, but because Narnians got hurt. Narnians died. They seemed all too willing to die in battle. It was an honorable death, but Edmund disliked the fact that so many of his subjects were put in danger. If he could die just so they might all live, he would. Yet this was not possible and war was a necessary evil. Still, he tried to avoid it as much as possible.

This particular battle was happening in the seven years after Edmund had come across the Stone Table. Giants from the North, who were constantly causing them problems, had come south into Narnia and had been killing off the Marsh-wiggles. Edmund had tried to negotiate with them, but they didn't seem to want to listen. Unwillingly, the Narnians were dragged into battle with the Giants. Peter said, upon deciding this was the only way to resolve the current problem, "It isn't the first time and I _know_ it won't be the last. There's always _something_ when it concerns the Giants."

Edmund especially hated battles involving Giants, especially when it was against an army of them. The Narnians were much smaller, so they had a huge disadvantage. Yet under Peter the Narnian army had won battles against the Giants before and Edmund hoped he could bring them victory again.

Now, in the middle of the battle and with Giants all around, killing Narnians left and right, Edmund felt this was too close to call. There were great losses on both sides, but the Giants were becoming just plain brutal. The Narnians were tiring. Things looked grim.

Edmund slashed at a Giant's legs and cringed as the blood spilled and the Giant gave a roar of pain. He tried to hit Edmund with a spiked club and when this didn't work tried to crush him underfoot. Edmund dodged and threw his sword up—it embedded itself into the Giant's chest and it keeled over.

Unsheathing his second sword, Edmund looked around for his brother. Peter was not too far away and was distracted by one Giant while another came at him from behind. "PETER!" Edmund yelled and his brother looked around just in time to dodge a fatal blow. Edmund let out his breath all at once.

Unfortunately, due to his being distracted by Peter, he only noticed too late another Giant coming up behind him. He turned around just as the Giant was swinging his spiked club. It hit Edmund squarely in the chest and sent him flying into the woods that the Giants had nearly pushed the Narnian army into. He hit a tree rather hard and slumped to its base, completely shocked and breathless.

His first instinct was to get up, but as he tried to push himself a searing pain radiated from his chest and something warm started flowing onto his tunic. Edmund was afraid to look but he did. The chain mail surrounding his chest was torn and blood was seeping from a horrid looking wound. Edmund gasped and coughed, finding it hard to breathe. He coughed again and found, with disgust, that he was coughing up blood.

He was stuck there. No one had seen him fall (or, more accurately, get thrown). Edmund took a few moments to think this over and then, just as it got really difficult to breathe, he _laughed_. He felt, deep down, that he should have expected this all along. _After all_, he mused, _I deserve this_. After all these years he was dying, something he felt he should have done way back when the Witch claimed his blood belonged to her.

As he thought this, he only felt slightly sad. He didn't want to leave Peter, of course, but he also couldn't help but think, _Better me than him._ He_ doesn't deserve it. Peter doesn't deserve any type of suffering_.

Edmund felt exhausted and the pain was blurring his thoughts. "Good bye, Peter," he murmured as blackness crept into his vision. Part of him really didn't want to leave everything behind, wanted to stay King. Part of him told him this wasn't right. Edmund had gone past listening to that part, though, ever since he found out what Aslan did for him. Just as his vision seemed to totally leave him, he fancied he saw something golden near him. Then the blackness started to recede as his vision came back in full force and standing in front of him was Aslan Himself, the Great Lion.

"Aslan," Edmund slurred. He wanted to reach out for the Lion but he couldn't move.

Aslan looked unspeakably sad. "Dear child," He whispered. His eyes filled with tears, which fell and landed on Edmund's tunic and mixed with his blood. Aslan was _crying_ for him, and he couldn't believe it.

"Aslan?" Edmund tried again, this time the name becoming more of a question.

"Son of Adam, why are you not fighting?" Aslan asked him.

Somehow Edmund found the strength to speak. "I shouldn't be. I deserve to die. I should be dead…but You died in my place."

"I did," Aslan agreed. "I see you haven't understood why I died. I did not die because you didn't deserve to, as you did. I died because I love you. Answer me this. Would you die for your family?"

"Of course."

"Would you die for Narnia?"

Edmund almost smirked. "I am now, aren't I?"

The Lion didn't miss a beat. "Would you die for me?"

"Yes." Edmund's voice broke and he realized he was crying. He felt slightly angry that he couldn't even wipe his own tears away.

"That is how much you love those things, and how much I love you. You understand the meaning behind my sacrifice, Edmund, but you choose to ignore it. You know why I died for you; you just can not accept it. This has gone on for too long. You can die here not having accepted my love, or you can live and spread it. The choice is yours." Aslan's voice contained the hint of a growl. "I trust you to choose wisely."

Everything seemed to fall into place and Edmund's tears fell faster. His breath hitched and it hurt, but it was a good kind of pain. He wasn't crying because he didn't understand. He was crying because he knew…he realized what a beautiful thing love is. And he accepted it. "I want to live," he whispered.

Aslan breathed on him and Edmund felt just a bit stronger, as though a fire had been lit in his heart. "I am proud of you, Edmund," the Lion told him. "I bid you to carry in your heart this love and live in a way becoming of one who has received a second chance. You've already done well so far. You can only do better now that you understand and accept the truth. Be strong, my son, and fight. Keep fighting for this love."

"I will," Edmund whispered. Aslan gave a great roar and disappeared. All at once it was harder to breathe again and the pain returned in full force. Regardless, the fire that seemed to burn in his heart gave him strength. He wasn't sure he could stay conscious, but he was determined now to stay alive.

A few moments later the battle was won by the Narnians and Peter noticed Edmund was missing. A search of the forest revealed him slumped against the trunk of a tree, covered in blood and still bleeding, looking deathly pale and near death. Peter immediately called for the on-site healers, who bandaged the wound and told Peter that, unless he managed to get his younger brother to Lucy's cordial, Edmund would be dead.

They gathered the army, healed the injured, and buried the dead. Edmund was still alive but not conscious, and he had grown feverish (the healer dryads told Peter the wound was most likely infected). Peter turned to his most trusted of generals, Oreius, with desperate eyes and said, "We have to leave for Cair Paravel. Now."

Oreius nodded and said, "We shall leave, you and I, and the army can follow in the morning. I will carry your brother."

"Alright," Peter muttered. "I'll lead." It was only half an hour after this conversation that the two set off for Cair Paravel.

The journey took a few days and Susan and Lucy had been warned ahead of time. They were in Edmund's room, where their brother would be taken. Lucy had her cordial in hand, already opened. Word had come from some very loyal Birds during breakfast that Peter and Oreius were due to arrive in a few hours with Edmund.

"I can't believe he's gone and gotten himself nearly killed," Susan said to break the silence. "I wish they wouldn't rush into these battles…"

"It couldn't be helped," Lucy said, but she too was nervous and just a bit angry. She always told Peter that they should take the cordial to war, but Peter thought it should be kept at the castle for real emergencies so that it might not be wasted. Lucy saw the logic in this, but she still couldn't help but feel a bit upset.

Presently Mr. Tumnus rushed into the room, startling the sisters. "They've arrived," he said breathlessly.

"We're ready," Susan said, not bothering to add that they had been for hours.

Only a few seconds after she said this, Peter came rushing into the room carrying the limp form of Edmund. Susan gasped and looked ready to faint. Lucy looked very pale. Edmund's breathing was faint and his skin white except for small red patches on his cheeks. His tunic was covered in blood, as was the bandage over his chest. "Quick, Lu," Peter said urgently. Lucy didn't even need him to tell her; she was already hovering over Edmund and a few drops of cordial fell into his mouth.

Peter removed the bandages to reveal a lot of blood but, thanks to the cordial, no wound. Susan began cleaning her brother, whose breathing became easier, and Lucy and Peter both nearly cried out in relief. Then Susan asked, "What happened?"

Peter bit his lip. "Truthfully, I never saw," he answered. "We only found him after the battle."

Susan gasped. "He could have died out there."

"You don't know the half of it," Peter told her. "The dryads kept saying he would never make it, that the journey was too far, and that it was impossible. Yet..." He glanced at Edmund's face; he was still unconscious. "Here he is. He must have really wanted to live."

"He has a fever," Lucy observed.

"It's better than what he had before," Peter said and no one could disagree with him.

Edmund woke up and was confined to his bed for a few days because of the fever, which the cordial hadn't cured. This allowed for Peter to ask him what happened and once Edmund was done telling (he told up to when he hit the tree), to say this: "What is wrong with you!"

Edmund, who was propped up by pillows so he could properly talk to Peter, looked taken aback. "Nothing," he answered. "What would be wrong with me?"

"You nearly died because my fight distracted you!"

"Well, if it wasn't me it would have been you, and that was not an option. You're the High King, after all." The last part was said half-jokingly, but Peter did not laugh.

"You are a king as well. You are just as important to Narnia."

"You know what's funny?" Edmund asked. Peter frowned at him and did not answer, nor did Edmund need an answer, so he continued, "I almost wanted to die, because I thought I deserved it. I felt like I should have been dead instead of Aslan, and it is true that it's what I deserved. But what you've brought up reminds me of something."

Peter didn't seem to catch the rest of what Edmund said for after the word 'Aslan' his eyes went wide. "You knew about what Aslan did?" he breathed. His younger brother nodded. "Why didn't you tell us? When did you know?"

"A long time ago, in the beginning of our reign," Edmund answered. Peter gasped. "I didn't tell you because the one who told me had promised not to tell, and at any rate I didn't want to talk to anyone about the matter when I felt so badly about it. In truth, I should have talked to you because up until a few days ago I didn't understand." He paused and took a breath. "You see, Aslan visited me while I lay there, injured, before you came, and he made me understand. He died for me the same way I would have died for you; it was out of love. He told me to fight for that love. He gave me the strength to keep on living. You do understand what I'm getting at, don't you?" Edmund looked into Peter's eyes. "There's nothing wrong with me. I love you as I love Lucy and Susan, as I love Narnia, and as I love Aslan, and I would die for you."

Peter sighed and leaned back. "That's a hard thing to hear," he said finally. "I would hate for you to die for me, or be willing to die for me, but that makes me a hypocrite because I'd do the same for you."

"You just have to accept it," Edmund said. He smiled. "I have. Once you do you realize what a…beautiful thing love is." The two sat in silence for a few thoughtful moments.

"I'm glad it _didn't_ end in death," Peter said with a nervous laugh. "I don't think I could have accepted it so much then. I see what you mean, though, and I suppose this means you won't listen when I tell you to stay behind in battle."

"There's nothing new about that," Edmund said with a laugh of his own. He then sighed and closed his eyes, feeling tired.

"Edmund?" Peter asked. Edmund opened his eyes and looked expectantly at his older brother. "If you haven't guessed, I love you too."

"I figured as much," Edmund murmured, closing his eyes. By the time Peter felt ready to stand up his younger brother was already sleeping. Peter noticed, as he paused by the door, that Edmund looked more peaceful than he had in a long time.

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**Author's note: I know it's not an update for my other story, but an update for that should come soon. Meanwhile I had this idea and I hope you enjoyed it. **


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